branded by fire, born in the abyss

the barn's horses


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excalibur⠀·⠀shrek⠀·⠀amora

lesson #0 - 17/01/2026

this was my first ever riding class & i did it with my girlfriend. i have had ridden horses before when i was a kid, but i never had proper lessons, so i was very nervous to hold the reigns without someone else conducting. my form was awful (i’m pretty sedentary rn), i couldn’t get in sync with the horse’s trot, & i was too tense & stiff to properly execute the other exercises, but everything went smoothly. it was super fun & i learned a lot about muscle awareness.

lesson #1 - 13/02/2026

it was my first official lesson & it was not good for simple reasons:

  1. i was super confused about what to do
  2. my form was lazy, my reigns were slipping
  3. the horse i was riding was getting irritated & confused.

i slipped from the saddle a couple of times & it got me scared to fall, so i went home earlier (i also felt like i was stressing the horse, so in my mind, it was better for both of us to stop). i improved my trot, but not enough to not feel pain.

lesson #2 - 20/02/2026

unlike the previous lesson, this one was top notch. maybe because i was in a more comfortable horse this time. i was finally able to get in synch with the trot, so my bums were free of pain & i didn’t get even close to falling this time! it was a super productive lesson. i followed a more advanced girl from the back so i payed close attention to how she held her posture. i wish i had spent more time trotting, but i was too tired to do it. also, cute thing that happened: when i was struggling to keep going bc i was dehydrated, the horse stopped by the fence & refused to move until i took some rest & hydrated myself; what an intelligent creature.

lesson #3 - 27/02/2026

lots of mixed feelings, but hey, at least i was able to stand up still for a whole turn this time!

in this lesson i learned how the school progresses their students skills. i talked with this worker who explained to me the mare i was riding today had a heavier gait & she would make me work harder with my muscles & my mind. she’s a smart-ass who likes to cut corners & fights me when i pull her back on track!

the moment i sat on her i felt very uncomfortable, as if i was leaning too much on one side, but the saddle & stirrups were correct; then her walk swayed me way more than the previous horses i rode, so i had to relax my body much more than the usual to match her stride; finally, her bumpy trot threw me much higher than the previous stallions. & to make things better, i was wearing brand-new boots that didn’t help me feel my weight on my feet. i couldn’t feel confident there. everything was misaligned. she was annoyed—blowing & shaking her reigns. she’s also skinnier than the previous stallions, so i had to adapt much more with my calves, feet, heels, & hands. we stopped trotting to walk & acquaint ourselves. there, during our “bonding” break, i noticed she’s much more responsive to verbal than to body commands, so i talked to her the whole time, while also clicking, kissing, & shushing—learning how she heard & responded me. i didn’t learn any new moves this lesson, but alas, at the end, we understood each other way better than at the start. i was able to trot more confidently & i felt her growing on me, following my lead.

lesson #4 - 06/03/2026

it’s always an awful lesson followed by a good one. i rode the same mare again & i was right! the saddle had been off last class! this time, it was perfect. i got on her & my balance was great. we warmed up a thousand times better than last time. i talked to her & paid attention to her ears & shoulders. my teacher told me “you know you’re riding well when you feel a horse’s heartbeat in your legs” & i could feel i was doing better this time. we did the same exercises as previous classes, although this time in a faster pace. i improved my trot rhythm, my rein grip during curves, & i also i got to trot without the stirrups, which was scary at first, but surprisingly easy. the mare stumbled a couple of times, but i was glad it scared me as much as it scared her. i guess i’m not afraid of falling anymore. i’m also getting off the saddle by myself from now on hehe.

lesson #5 - 13/03/2026

i missed it because i was sick :(

lesson #6 - 20/03/2026

it was raining & my breeches were riding up my waist & i looked ugly.

this time we practised in a new, larger arena. the horse i was riding got a bit spooky due the environment change & i was a little scared of pushing his limits, but the teacher said it’s fine to do it with the training horses since they’re tamer. we encircled the arena until he was less scared & able to follow the fence. i was able to stand up for longer while trotting, but i’m still not good enough at it. also, my blood pressure dropped mid-lesson because i was dumb enough to skip lunch before riding & i felt embarrassed as hell for looking like a weakling. i’m torn between “i improved a lot & i was more confident & i did my best” & “i was dumb & stupid & i could’ve worked much harder had i not been dumb & stupid”. god i’m so tired of this, i want to improve faster, better. once i head the teacher praising this girl for her fast improvement & the echo of that conversation won’t leave my mind. i want that like a starving dog. i can do better, i want to do better… but the body takes time to match the mind, so i have to be patient & trust the process instead.

lesson #7 - 27/03/2026

today’s class was amazing. god knows how much i needed encouragement this week.

before class started, i asked one of the workers how to swiftly turn a horse on curves. he told me “you turn the reins to the side you wanna go & open with the opposite leg,” so i was doing it wrong coz i was also pressing the side i wanted to go. you don’t have to. i was also informed i got the horses’ breeds wrong, so i updated their photos at the top of the log.

i rode on the first horse i had my official class—excalibur. he’s an agitated boy, quick to move & respond, soft gaited, super comfy. the teacher even had to tell us to decrease the pace a couple of times because we were too excited & trotting too fast lmao. we followed the fence all the way through & i could control him much better than before, but i still have a lot to improve regarding reign control. i’m having a hard time relaxing my grip when i’m holding it without letting the reigns slip & this causes confusion to the horse (you gotta press & release when the command is correct, & reins should never be left too loose). also, my feet placement is sloppy; i gotta work on that.

do you remember how last entry i was foaming at the mouth about (not) receiving praise for fast improvement? i got it today; the teacher told me that if i keep the rhythm, soon enough i’ll be cantering! it came at the right time. this week has been disgustingly frustrating to me. receiving such commentary at such time made me, unironically, want to live for another day.

lesson #8 - 03/04/2026

bland, mild class. did more crouching & flexibility exercises (next time i’ll try doing them while looking ahead). i stressed the horse i was working with, so he stalled at the gates at one point & i pulled the reins. i spent most of the class trotting without stirrups & trying to balance, but i’m still struggling with the sitting trot. i also had a personal achievement moment when i was able to get my feet back in the stirrups without stopping or looking down (it is, surprisingly funny, just like in rdr2. i actually think a lot about rdr2 animations when i ride). although this class was pretty meh, i returned home with aching legs lol.

lesson #9 - 10/04/2026

no classes today.

lesson #10 - 17/04/2026

somehow this class was worse than the previous one. 100% my fault. i felt like i improved nothing & that this was a useless class, but even in bad days we can learn something. i let my horse lazy himself & i didn’t control him the best i could. i trusted he would maintain the trot & rhythm by himself so i could concentrate on turning & crouching, but that was clearly not the best decision. unfortunately i only realised some mistakes after i got home. unconsciously i was being lazy too. i was not in my best spirit. next class i’ll put more effort. not to say it was a wasted lesson, i’ve improved my ankles & feet placement & now i have no trouble holding the reins one-handed.

lesson #11 - 24/04/2026

a new rider had his first class today with us & he’s also an adult! things were smoother today since i rode in a better, ahem, more energetic horse, but i still feel like i’m not improving at all… (i gotta talk to my teacher about that). i wanna do new exercises, i need something new. this class i trotted & stayed up longer while trotting & practised the sitting trot, but damn i only do it well when i’m stirrup-less. it’s been my achilles heel since i’ve started it. i also mentioned to my teacher that he’s been promising to make me canter since last month! so maybe i’ll do it next class…? tbh i don’t want to canter yet, not until i’ve done diagonals & walked more comfortably in between the sticks. this class i’ve improved my rein grip & coordination & my balance. i was able to stand up & follow the mare’s trot super comfortably.

lesson #12 - 01/05/2026

i guess one of the most humbling & heart-aching feelings in the world is to go against the house favourite. it’s impossible not to feel like a villain. i blame my soul for not growing up.

my mother went to watch me ride. i got nervous. i didn’t introduce her to my teacher. he was quiet. i do my classes with his favourite student—a brilliant girl who used to have no grip. teachers’ soft spot is always the underdogs. there’s a specific kind of pride when you watch and grow something beautiful out of the trenches, watching hopelessness die to confidence and excellence.

what i mean by that is, he can’t help me much when he’s too busy tweaking her performance to perfection.

anyway, i’m complaining too much.

today i did nothing out of the ordinary.

lesson #13 - 05/05/2026

this time i had the chance to practice with people at the same or almost the same level as me, so we were basically following each other and doing the same exercises. we did rounds standing up, crouching, going over the poles, turning around, trotting, rising from the saddle without the stirrups… it was really fun and hardworking. i felt great. i learned more about rein control, too. if i keep it short i don’t have to pull it all the way to the side i want to turn—i can just press it and the horse tilts their head pretty well. this made me understand better what “keep the horse looking straight” means. i’m also getting better at asking for commands at the right time (i used to ask it to turn too soon at the curves, so my pressure-release feedback was also not working).

no more, i think my current issues are only that my goddamn breeches keep rising above my hips & it sucks, my bad habit of following the horse down when they tilt their necks, & the that i feel my feet bouncing on the stirrups when i’m standing up while the horse trots.