you only hear the music when your heart begins to break
when someone asks you “what’s your favourite musician/band”, what kind of answer are they expecting to hear? which band you listen the most to? which band you like most of the songs? which band makes your heart cry?
i just recently installed spotify for the first time ever and while subscribing myself to the bands i usually listen to, i started to wonder what bands would people think of when they think about me. i used to think about a-ha and tame impala and the bee gees when i thought of my wife (even though florence and the machine is her top favourite); for dad is metallica, motörhead, and deep purple; for mum is michael jackson and maroon 5; for my aunts is the beatles and legião urbana and kpop boy bands; for my distant cousin is paramore and lesserafim; for my closest friend is charlie brown jr and pitty and gabriel pensador; for my ex-music teacher is rage against the machine and djavan; for arya is muse; for arthur is battle raps… you get it. you kinda end up associating certain sounds to certain people…
when i was a teen i used to say mcr and fob were my favourite bands. it just made sense—i listened to them religiously, i knew their albums front to back, i scavenged their cds like a madman, i started playing bass because i thought their bassists were the coolest people alive, and “danger days” is the mother of my beloved child tobie & his story. i still remember being 6 and watching “i don’t love you” on tv and going “ohhh i like that,” or being 10 and begging mum to download “that emo-guys’ song.” i think you end up liking stuff from your parents sphere, but i think it’s the music you listen to in your teens that will shape your heart. i was heavily influenced by two people: my closest friend & a tumblr artist who changed my life in many other ways.
although mcr is the band i’ve listened the most throughout my life, there’s other two bands i was not that obsessed about, but still got me in a chokehold. they are who make the title of this entry a real experience to me.
first one is green day. it shouldn’t be a surprise by now, if you know me. you see, i wasn’t an angry, rebellious, punk kid. i’ve never considered myself punk. i didn’t even dress the way i actually wanted to (although i had my fair share of fake-leather jackets), but punk is what i’ve taken from that time to be the genre i enjoy the most. i don’t consider green day musically punk nowadays, but they still are who they are. i had their songs at the back of my early teens playlist, but they never reached the hundred loops like mcr or fob or even slipknot. still, there was something at the back of my heart that didn’t let me delete it. those days would come, that would make me feel glad to keep their songs around. whenever it seemed that my world was falling apart and burning to the ground i would listen to their albums to sleep. i guess everything started with “basket case”. it described me to a t (i kept it as “my song” until i was 221), and unfortunately some stanzas even ended up becoming real life events. their songs never made my heart cry, quite the contrary. they cradled me when i had nowhere else to turn to. worked like an awkward parent’s hug & a good night’s kiss. also, having an open, vocal, bisexual vocalist gave me confidence and pride to be at ease with my own sexuality. i always took it as something spiritual; it didn’t scratch my heart like mcr, nor my brain like the killers (more to that later), but it nourished the hole in my soul like no other band did. then my dad passed away back in september of 2024 & i sat there thinking “this gotta be a sick joke, right? what the fuck.” i looped “21 guns” and “wake me up when september ends” whenever mourning became too much. this year, when i asked my girlfriend which song should i have at my graduation ceremony, her default expectation was green day. it only made sense. it’s the closest to my soul. my melodic parent.
second one is the killers. which should be a surprise since i have zero emotional attachment to their music. all i got is artistic attachment. i don’t listen to them as much as i want to, i don’t like them as much as i want to, but they write their songs as if they’re pulling a string that’s ready to snap & i cant help but chew on it like an anxious dog. i’ve listened to “mr. brightside” countless times, and i still hear it as if it was the first time. i can confidently say it’s the best song i’ve ever listened to—the most beautiful song of the century. it never misses to make me shiver. it’s a pop-injected ballad, and that should be enough to make me question my tastes, but when the killers decide to do what they do best and write these poetic, tugging, walking-on-a-tightrope music, you can’t help but cling to your heart and sob. how can they write like that? it leaves you breathless. i should listen to their discography thoroughly, though. i know they’re not really a masterpiece band, (reminding me much of dreamworks movies), but they got some special talent there. “somebody told me” is funny, but “all these things that i’ve done” hits home like a bullet, “read my mind” makes my stomach curl around itself as if i had eaten the song itself alive and “when you were young” knocks me out like a punch. i love their style; what they write is truly beautiful.
comparing it to food i would say mcr is my bread-and-butter, daily nourishment, the tried-and-true that i’ve cooked for the past 10+ years that has never let me down. green day would be ice cream, fried chicken breast, bean soup, mcdonalds—comfort foods. and the killers would be that type of fancy meal you eat on a restaurant on the weekends with a glass of wine, or those complex-flavoured, pretty desserts.
maybe in the end is an easy matter of: what’s the band you like the most, what’s your favourite band, and what’s your band? your best friend, the older sibling you admire, and your home.
i guess it’s only fair to end this entry with the billion-dollar question: what’s your favourite band?
you can share with me through my letterbird, if you wish to. i would love to hear it :]
and everyone knows when you’re 23 it must change to blink’s “what’s my age again”.↩